The Reason...

It has been a while since I've had to remember why, but I knew that i used to keep my feelings bottled up for a reason. However, I had forgotten the reason...therefore, i chose to give it another shot. But guess what...nothing has changed. I share what I'm feeling with people, & they just crush it like its ridiculous. So stupid of me to even try again. Now I know for sure. Its never going to happen again!! NEVER!!

My 2 week plan...

Well, the 'so called' holiday for year 12's has indeed begun, & we are all supposed to be on 5th gear by now. The most common phrase my parents, teachers & older friends are saying to me is..."only one month to go. Give it your best shot!!!". SIGH!!! Sp, i have a plan in my head that i hopefully will actually put to practice. I have a checklist of things to do in the next 2 weeks.

TO DO:
~ 6 English Essays
~ Finish Checkpoints for Psych
~ Finish Exam Busters for Chem
~ Further Maths past year exams
~ Chem Exams

I am really hoping that i will feel motivated enough to actually complete this checklist. There is so much to do, & so little time to do it. well....lets get to work. :D

Tired...

I love being able to meet new people & strengthening old ones. I love to be an encouragement to them. I love being able to hang out with them & just talk for hours. But with so many of the relationships i have with people, it always seems like I want to see & spend time with them more than they do with me. Most of the time, I am the one who initiates things; smses, calling etc. Its not that i don't like doing it...Its just that after so long, I've gotten tired of being the one who always has to put in all the effort. Friendships are supposed to be a 2-way thing. Some of my friends understand that concept, but most don't. Its not rocket science. If you care about someone, then SHOW IT!!! So many times in the past, I have gotten the feeling that I want to see others more than they want to see me. As much as it may not seem to be a big deal, it is to me, because I value the friendships I have with people. I am so tired of being the one who cares more. I am so tired of being the one who has to start things. I am so tired of being taken for granted.

P.S) TO ANYONE WHO READS THIS: Do me a favor & don't try to start doing extra things just because I've written this. Its insulting!! I will know a difference.

New Realisation!!

You know what!!! I used to love the weekends!! Then for some funny reason, I changed to despising Sundays. However, lately, i have dreaded both Saturdays & Sundays. I'm always home alone while everyone goes out with friends! My parents go out with other parents & Jonathan either goes out with his friends or goes to work. I know i should be studying, but it sure wouldn't hurt me, or anyone else to be able to go out with people. The only time I go out during the weekend is for church on Saturday, & for Chemistry tuition on Sunday nights! Also, sometimes I feel like I'm just tagging along with people. Its like they don't really want me there. I really don't like feeling like a third wheel around people. I think I'd rather stay at home alone. If that's not depressing, I don't know what is.

My Master piece!!!

This is my best work of art yet!! I'm very proud of it. Just for the curious, this art work does indeed have a history/reason behind it. Its rather funny actually. If you still want to know, just ask me. haha...

Sorry Kor...I just had to. :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

To: My dearest friend Grace...

Dearest Hun,

There is so much I want to say to you, but am not quite sure how to say it all. Firstly (& most importantly), I love you so much!!! I love your 'sense of humor', your tendency to over think some things, your punctuality (hehe...), your 'siew chie', but tough (at the same time) personality, and the fact that you're always wanting to be honest to yourself & to others all the time. Thank you for always wanting the best for me in my studies, relationships with others, & in everything else in general.

With things changing, I know that it is hard to not know what will happen in the future with our relationship, but no matter what may happen, I know that when we both put effort into making things work, it will. In a relationship between best friends, even if things didn't change, conflicts are bound to happen. If they didn't, how would our relationship grow stronger? Just for the record, if in the future I REALLY DID HAVE TO CHOOSE BETWEEN you or some guy....I WOULD CHOOSE YOU!! Our friendship means the world to me, & I will do my best to make things work out no matter what, because you're without a question, most definitely, absolutely worth it!!

Thank you for making life worth living so much more! You ARE one AMAZING woman...DON'T EVER FORGET OR DOUBT THAT!! Love you so, so, so ,much!!

Love,
Jo

AHHH!!!

Has anyone ever:

~ felt like they were in a mood of being more easily annoyed than usual?
~ felt like things were not going the way you had hoped?
~ felt as if the people around you were not being real to you?
~ felt like the people around you were ganging up against you?
~ felt as though the people around you were causing you to be exhausted?
~ felt as though time was dragging on?
~ felt like hiding away from everyone & everything in the world?

.......................................................................................

Well, I have, & it sucks!!! But, its all in God's hands now.

New VCE jumper.

Well, this week we finally received our long awaited special Yr 12 jumpers that were so brilliantly designed by Samuel Hoe. There were a few choices that we could pick from: black hoody/pink words, black hoody/electric blue words, black hoody/white words, grey hoody/black words, navy blue hoody/white words.

"I got the black jumper with the pick words...not a clue who convinced me to get that."
"The Logo on the front of the jumper. a mix of different fonts."

"The Logo on the side of the sleeve. COOLEST!!!"

"The back of the jumper. the '08' is made up of all the names of the people in our year level. The 'ALL KNOWING' is my nickname. hehe...i know. I just put it there, cause i knew that people would laugh every time they look at it. As long as they are happier after looking at it, I'm happy."

So, that's out cool VCE jumper!!! woo hoo!!! Its so much more comfortable than the woolen jumpers that we all had to wear. I love it!!!

The weekend + Realisations...

This weekend was both rather enjoyable & totally boring at the same time. After school on Friday, i just came home & worked on the posters i was going to put up on my wall with all my subject summaries. I think i worked on that for about 4 1/2 hours. that was draining. After that, Jon had life group at our house. So, people started coming at about 7.15pm. after the people started coming, i couldn't really concentrate. So, i think i just stayed in my room for most of the time listening to music and wasting time until they finished...then i went out and talked to friends. On Saturday, I got up at about 10.30, cause i spelt rather late. Then did a bit more work. After that, I met up with Gracey at church at about 5.25pm, even though our meeting time was supposed to be 5.15pm. tsk tsk (Hun, so much for being on time...hehe...it okay.) This time, we managed to talk quite a bit, cause we decided to talk in a more isolated place so that people wouldn't keep approaching us to talk...not that we don't like talking to them. Its just that it's the only time we really get to talk during the week. I think we talked for about 35 minutes, which is a whole lot more than we normally got to the past few weeks. So that was great!!! Saturday's service was very interactive because of Lisa McInnes Smith. She's so funny & full of life/enthusiasm/passion. I really admire her for that. On Sunday, it was probably the most boring, slow-moving day in the past 5 years!!! Dad, mum & Jon went out and Cheryl was in her room the whole time. So, it was pretty much me being home alone!! Its not that i don't like being home alone, but its nice to get out of the house once in a while (apart from school & church).


well, apart from my weekend, it has just hit me that i only have about 5 weeks of school (not including hols & exams) left!!! OMG!!! I'm not really shocked about exams or anything. I think I'm more stressed about our Valedictory dinner, the last chapel & getting out of school!! I'm not sure if I have fully prepared myself for uni just yet. I'm not even 18 years old yet!!! Gee, time sure flies when you're having fun in year 12 (cough cough). sigh... Well, when the time comes, I'm sure that the shock will wear off, & that i will have a blast. I especially can't wait to get my car!! FREEDOM!!! Until then Joanne, Brace yourself!